Do you know if you are of sound mind to marry?
Going through the motions of getting married isn’t nearly as challenging as getting to know each other on a deeper level before the ceremony, says Psychologist Jim Bierman. His book raises all the controversial, yet crucial issues for pre-weds. He guides engaged couples through an enlightening process of self-examination and us-examination, helping them gain a greater understanding of their partner, of the person they are becoming as part of a couple, and of the marriage, they are about to create.
Who will benefit from this book?
Written for pre-weds, their families, close friends, and the professionals who counsel them, this thought-provoking text explores thinking about-and talking about-delicate issues from love, communication, friendship, and sex, to in-law relations, money matters and prenuptial agreements, and the ways in which children will change a relationship. When couples meet the challenge of deeply understanding each other and what they expect out of marriage, their chances of enjoying a satisfied, intimate, and stable married life are greatly enhanced. By the end of this book, pre-weds will have grown from the altered state of being in love to being of sound mind to marry, says Bierman.
Talking about the realities of becoming a husband or wife
One of the last things couples planning a wedding usually want to do is talk about the realities of becoming husband and wife. Most would rather discuss wedding cake flavors and honeymoon plans than their views on children and finances, their personal insecurities and potential struggles, says Bierman, adding that even counselors and clergy usually do not tread into the area of these issues that can be deep, upsetting, and disagreement-inspiring. But better that before marriage than afterwards.
What you can expect from this book
This book raises all the controversial yet crucial issues for pre-weds. And that will help couples wed with far more understanding of themselves and each other, with more foresight and sound thinking, so that they’ll not only be thrilled to be marrying the one they have chosen, but they’ll know that their decision is a wise one.
Followed by peer review:
“All couples prepare for their wedding but few for their marriage. For those couples who want to ensure their marriage endures, this book is an excellent and essential guide. I recommend it without reservation.” (Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. author, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
“Jim Bierman’s book is packed with enlightening and practical advice for any couple planning for marriage. He shows them how to deal directly with every important aspect of their relationship ahead of time and in a sensitive, loving way. I highly recommend it both to anyone planning to be married and to professionals who work with couples.” (Linda Adams President and CEO, Gordon Training International)
“Of Sound Mind to Marry offers a well-informed overview of the journey into marriage. Not just another book filled with advice, Bierman’s understanding of the psychological nuances of premarital and marriage relationships is presented in a clear and useful format. Add this one to your premarital reading list. A fresh treatment of the journey into marriage; Of Sound Mind to Marry is a sophisticated psychological look at forming a life-long relationship. Bierman is not afraid to tackle the difficult topics such as prenuptial agreements and deciding not to marry.” (Peter J. Larson, Ph.D. LP Vice President, Life Innovations, Inc.)
And full review by Richard Geller, Founder of CapitalCounselors.com and Clients4Therapists.com, 5.0 out of 5 stars The best manual for a couple hinking of getting married Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2008 “I haven’t seen anything quite like this before. In my work I have several hundred clients, most of whom do some pre-marital counseling. If couples just read this book, they wouldn’t need anything else. That’s how good the book is. A great deal of thought that someone should give to getting married is really in asking the right questions. And those questions are clearly spelled out.” So much of life should come with an owner’s manual, but doesn’t.
Jim’s book comes awfully close to being an owner’s manual for people who are thinking of marrying. I run a service that matches counselors and therapists with couples and individuals. So I was eager to read Jim’s book and hoping it would serve for many couples who may want to read rather than see someone, or want to supplement what their religious or secular counseling provides them. I haven’t seen anything quite like this before. In my work I have several hundred clients, most of whom do some pre-marital counseling. If couples just read this book, they wouldn’t need anything else. That’s how good the book is.
A great deal of thought that someone should give to getting married is really in asking the right questions. And those questions are clearly spelled out. The first few chapters talk about how we need to ask honest questions about how we feel about our partner — questions that are difficult to ask in the “altered state of being in love” as Jim puts it.
Then the book explores what most of us don’t know to ask and think about, with respect to children, and in-laws and a host of other issues that often cause problems in a marriage because we don’t expect them. The last part talks about specific issues and methods. This is worth the price of the book because a lot of problems can be avoided by good communication — and Jim distils wisdom of how to communicate in easy clear language and exercises that couples can learn.
I don’t expect anything will truly replace in-person counseling, but Jim’s book is almost as good. Buy a copy today for yourself or for a friend or family member who is going to get married.
You can order the book on Amazon by following this link.