03 Jun 2020

BY: Online Therapy

Couples Counselling / Good relationship therapists / Marriage Counselling / Online marriage counsellors / Online Relationship Counselling / Relationship Counselling

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Do you need online relationship counselling?

Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels |Article by Kimberly Yusay

Wondering if you and your partner are in need of couples counselling? We’ve compiled five questions that will help you decide. But first, let’s talk about something important.


According to the research of Martha Wadsworth and Howard Markman published in the Behavior Therapy journal, factors contributing to relationship problems can be classified into three:

  • Personal issues – History of mental illness, traumatic experiences from family of origin, attachment style, personality, etc.
  • Couple dynamics – Realistic vs. idealistic expectations, amount of effort put into the partnership, roles within the relationship, and compatibility in general
  • External Pressures – Parenthood, dealing with in-laws, work strain, etc.

With these factors in mind, here’s a set of questions that will aid in discerning whether you and your partner are in need of couples’ therapy:

(1) Are you transitioning into parenthood?

A 2011 study has shown that new parents may experience a drop in relationship satisfaction due to exhaustion, adjustment period, and lack of quality time spent with each other.

(2) Do you argue over money?

As stated by the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, financial difficulties put a train to a relationship. This is because the couple may encounter more difficulties and challenges due to the lack of sufficient income.

(3) Is there a lot of miscommunication in your relationship?

According to a 2013 study, a couple’s communication pattern predicts the outcome of the relationship. Improving it results in a deeper connection and a lack of it can mean deterioration.

(4) Do you and/or your partner have a history of psychological problems?

A recent study indicated that mental health issues can contribute to relationship problems, and vice versa which often contributes to miscommunication in relationships.

(5) Are you co-parenting with a stepchild/children?

According to the Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Studies, stepfamilies are at high risk for stress and relationship discord. It is difficult to negotiate parenting styles in newly blended families. Getting help from professionals can help during the boundary-setting phase.


A survey published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology disclosed that marital problems could be directly linked to psychological disorders, including:

  • Bipolar disorder
  • Alcohol-use disorder
  • Generalized anxiety disorder

Moreover, according to the Behaviour Therapy journal, relationship problems could exacerbate:

  • Depression
  • Social impairment (friends and family)
  • Work problems
  • Poor physical health
  • Suicidal ideation

Additionally, it is not only the couple who becomes affected by relationship distress. Dr. Matthew Bambling, a senior lecturer at the School of Clinical Medicine at the University of Queensland, said that it also heavily impacts the children, and could contribute to:

  • Behavioural problems
  • Substance misuse
  • Childhood depression

Researchers Ambika Krishnakumar and Cheryl Buehler also point out that this may be due to the parenting style of the dysfunctional couples which included harsh discipline and low parental acceptance.


Couples therapy can help couples decide where to go to regarding their current situation. Unfortunately, not all relationships can heal. So, where to from there?

For cohabiting and/or co-parenting couples, finding good relationship therapists who understand individual psychopathy, family dynamics and psychosocial stressors is important. Furthermore, partners who want safe, private and convenient counselling may try online relationship counselling.

31 Oct 2018

BY: Online Therapy

Couple Counselling / Couples Counselling / Marriage Counselling / Online Skype Counselling / Online therapist / Online Therapy / Relationship Counselling / Video Counselling

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Relationship Counselling Auckland using Video Calling

Photo by J Carter.

Relationship Counselling Auckland using Video Calling:

This article, Relationship Counselling Auckland using Video Calling builds on an essay that discusses attachment theory within relationship counselling. Today’s article Relationship Counselling Auckland using Video Calling focuses on the separation-individuation theory (when children learn to separate from parents emotionally) and considers how the family system can cause family members to attain/not-attain personal authority and how it affects relationships.

Relationship counselling involves an exploration of attachment styles and looks at how people develop relationship communication patterns from childhood into adulthood. For example, have you ever wondered why you and your siblings remember events differently?

People experience circumstances within their contexts which influence how they make sense of themselves and their worlds.  The primary consideration in the separation-individuation process is the smooth transition from one stage to the next. Conversely, disruptions or restrictions during the transition process can have life-long effects in the way we respond to our worlds.

The mother is involved in her child’s changes from dependence, individuation to differentiation (discussed below).  At first the child is entirely dependent on the mother, but eventually, he/she struggles for control to achieve autonomy.  At times, parents are uncomfortable with the child finding his/her individuality, and a power struggle may ensue.   Early experiences affect the way people make sense of themselves over a lifetime and influence how they react in relationships.


As discussed in Relationship counselling using Skype, attachment styles develop within the first years (zero to three years) when mother and baby are undifferentiated. In other words, the baby can’t discriminate between I / Not-I and believes mother/baby are one (Mahler, 1986). Furthermore, the mother experiences the baby as an extension of herself. Keep in mind, attachment theory is not developmental and is understood as universal individual experiences that form the basis of family dynamics (Blom & Bergman, 2013).


From three years onwards, children start developing their own identities.  Failure to individuate means a person cannot create a sense of self and continues to experience the self in the context of the family.  Individuating too early can lead to coping styles where a person relies on self too much, but prolonged dependence can lead to overdependence in adult life.

A teenager generally individuates around the age of 16 by moving more towards their social circles and developing their own identities outside their family units.  At this stage, the young person is still very much part of the family.  Successful individuation is experienced when parents encourage teenagers to follow dreams, encourage open debate and let go (in a healthy way) of their children at the appropriate time.


Successful differentiation means that the young adult (generally by 35) is fully aware of I / Not-I and can function successfully independent of the parent or marriage partner.  However, I have found in therapy that some couples become fused and start viewing the other as an extension of themselves. This can place tremendous pressure on the relationship.  Once the partners accept that they can function independently within a unit, then the relationship can improve.

Can Relationship Counselling using Video Calling be effectively used with attachment problems?

Absolutely, not only can it be effective, but also convenient when avoiding traffic.  However, not all people are comfortable with the electronic medium and prefer face-to-face counselling.

Below please find the references for the article Relationship Counselling Auckland using Video Calling

Inga Blom and Anni Bergman: Observing Development: A Comparative View of Attachment Theory and Separation–Individuation Theory

Mahler, M. S. (1986b). On the first three subphases of the separation-individuation process. In P. Buckley (Ed.), Essential papers on object relations (pp. 222–232). New York: New York University Press.

Feel free to contact us if you need relationship counselling by completing the Contact us form.

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