Navigating Love: Online Therapy for Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationships

Polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships

An Article by Anna Keyter

This article discusses navigating love connections: Online Therapy for Polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships. In a world where love and relationships are increasingly diverse, polyamory and non-monogamous arrangements have gained visibility and are becoming increasingly accepted. Many individuals and couples are exploring the complexities of loving multiple partners simultaneously, experiencing both the joys and challenges that come with these dynamics. Navigating the emotional landscape of polyamorous relationships, however, can be intricate and, at times, overwhelming. Online therapy is a valuable resource that offers support and guidance tailored to the unique needs of those in non-traditional relationships. Join us as we explore the vital intersection of love, therapy, and the diverse nature of relationships that are a part of today’s society. In order to delve into the concept of polyamory, it is helpful to establish an understanding of all types of relationships. Relationships exist on a spectrum, ranging from closed, such as monogamous relationships, to highly open, like polyamorous relationships.

Polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships – a spectrum:

Polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships are a spectrum of relationships that range from traditional non-monogamy to more fluid arrangements. Each arrangement within this spectrum tends to reflect the unique needs, values, and agreements of those involved.

For example:

• • Hierarchical Polyamory prioritises one primary relationship, while non-hierarchical polyamory treats all relationships  as equally important.
• • Swinging involves couples engaging in sexual activities, most commonly without emotional attachments. The emphasis is on mutual physical enjoyment rather than emotional involvement.
• • Relationship Anarchy challenges traditional notions of love and commitment, prioritising autonomy and personalised connection over established roles.
• • Solo polyamory prioritises independence and personal growth while exploring multiple romantic or sexual connections.

Relationships in general as a spectrum:

As with polyamorous relationships, other relationships also exist on a spectrum, for instance:

• • Casual relationships often de-emphasise long-term commitment and emotional involvement. Physical pleasure is typically prioritised.
• • Dating relationships may involve regular interaction but may not have the same level of commitment as longer term partnerships.
• • Monogamous relationships may involve a commitment between two individuals, emphasising deep emotional intimacy, shared goals, partnership and family considerations.

Even within monogamous relationships, there are varying degrees of infidelity. Sometimes cheating is strictly defined as sexual unfaithfulness. In contrast, others may include emotional infidelity or engaging in sexting or social media connections as cheating.

Making expectations clear:

When entering into a new relationship, it can be helpful to clarify your rules of engagement so that you understand the boundaries within your relationship. In non-monogamous relationships, it is also helpful to define rules so that each person involved understands what is acceptable and what is not.

Different types of relationships:

• • Monogamous Relationships: Monogamy usually denotes the practice of two people committing to an exclusively sexual partnership within an emotional bond. Cheating occurs when one partner forms solid and personal relationships that weaken the bond of the relationship or when sexual infidelity happens.
• • Bigamy: Remarrying before a divorce has been finalised is considered bigamy in western countries and a criminal offence. Therefore, bigamy has a legal meaning.
• • Open Relationships: An open relationship is when both parties in a relationship agree that one or both may have sexual relationships with others, or it might include acceptance that the parties may have profound emotional attachments with others that may not be permissible in strictly monogamous relationships.
• • Polygamy: Polygamy, the practice of men having more than one wife, is culturally accepted in some countries and is often motivated by religious beliefs. However, this practice is not legally recognised in the western world.
• • Polyandry: Although historically culturally practised in small, isolated communities, polyandry, the marriage of a woman to multiple husbands, remains unlawful in most societies.
• • Polyamory: A consensual, non-monogamous relationship where people can build multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all the partners (Denisa Hnatkovičová et G. Bianchi, 2022).

More about Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationships

There are two main types of polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships: primary and secondary. In research conducted by Balzarini et al. (2017), participants stated that they agreed to have an open relationship with all the romantic partners involved. Interestingly, the study found that polyamory had less stigma, more emotional and financial investment, satisfaction, commitment, with greater communication in primary relationships than in secondary ones. However, with secondary relationships, participants may spend more time on sexual activity than with primary partners (when living with primary partners). These findings inform understanding of the unique costs and rewards of primary/secondary relationships in polyamory.

Styles of involvement in polyamorous relationships

As with all relationships, polyamorous relationships can appear different with different groups. Balzarini et al. (2017) state that polyamory involves multiple intimate partners, with most individuals having two concurrent partners. Primary relationships typically involve shared finances, marriage, and raising children. These relationships have a higher level of commitment and interdependence. They often prioritise each other regarding time, decision making and emotional support.

Secondary relationships, which are often separate and less integrated, share less time together and are not usually prioritised in terms of emotional and financial investment. Although emotional and physical intimacy exists, these relationships often do not experience the same level of commitment.
The existence of these differences is a topic of debate, yet there is a lack of empirical testing to support speculation. Indeed, the distinction between primary and secondary relationships is a topic of widespread discussion within polyamorous relationships (Balzarini et al. 2017).

How to navigate a polyamorous relationship:

• • Navigating/negotiating a polyamorous relationship can be complex and challenging, but through communication, trust, and respect, these relationships can be fulfilling and enduring.
• • A key is to openly discuss boundaries, expectations, and feelings with all partners involved.
• • Each person’s needs and emotions should be considered, and maintaining honest and transparent communication is key.
• • Building a solid support network and seeking guidance from experienced individuals or therapists can also be important to a successful relationship.

Boundary setting in polyamorous relationships:

In a polyamorous relationship, establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy and respectful dynamics. Steps to consider are:

• • Open communication: Discuss with your partners what you are comfortable with, as well as the concerns you hold.
• • Identify needs and limits: Understand your own needs, limits, and deal-breakers. This self-awareness can help you articulate your boundaries to your partners.
• • Respect each other: It’s important to respect each other’s boundaries and to not pressure anyone into crossing their limits.
• • Revisit and revise: As relationships evolve, revisiting and revising boundaries as needed is important. Regular check-ins can help ensure that everyone’s needs are being met.
• • Sexual expectations: It is crucial to articulate sexual wants and needs and the amount of time that you need with your partners.

Broader issues with polyamorous relationships:

• • In most western countries, polyamorous relationships are not legally recognised in the same way as monogamous marriages. This can pose challenges in areas such as legal rights, healthcare decisions, property / estates, and inheritance (Thom Brooks, 2009). However, some countries are beginning to acknowledge these relationships with legal protections, including in certain municipalities in the United States and Canada, where domestic partnerships or multi-parent family recognition is being considered (Goldfeder & Sheff (2011).
• • Polyamory often faces societal challenges, including intolerance, stigma and lack of understanding. Considering how societal norms and acceptance levels can impact individuals in these relationships is important.
• • Other challenges can include jealousy. Individuals may also face anxiety, internal conflicts about identity and self-worth. These issues can be considered during therapy.

Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing, dynamic process which is pivotal in all the spectrum of relationships including, first and foremost, the relationship that you have with yourself. Only then can you set boundaries with others. Although it can be a challenging process to establish strong polyamorous relationships, the evidence is that some people can form strong, meaningful bonds within polyamory. According to Denisa Hnatkovičová et G. Bianchi (2022), polyamory offers a consensual, non-monogamous approach to relationships, allowing individuals to cultivate multiple romantic or sexual connections with mutual agreement. This study details potential motivations for embracing polyamory, such as fulfilling unmet needs, personal growth, identity development and expressing political values. Additionally, the study underscores the importance of tailored psychotherapeutic approaches to support the unique needs of polyamorous people.

Challenges in polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships:

• • Multiple relationships could be time-consuming and complex to manage.
• • Jealousy and insecurity may arise, and managing the emotional demands of multiple relationships could become combative and quarrelsome if not handled sensitively.
• • Having multiple sexual partners increases the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) unless safe practices (like condom use and regular testing) are routinely followed. Managing sexual health becomes a vital part of maintaining healthy polyamorous relationships.
• • Power imbalances in polyamorous relationships happen when one partner holds more influence, control, or decision-making authority over the others. Such imbalances can emerge due to various factors and can impact the dynamics of the relationship. Overcoming power imbalances ultimately contributes to healthier, more fulfilling polyamorous relationships.

Attachment within polyamorous relationships:

If you desire an enhanced understanding of attachment and polyamory, you can read more in “Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy” by Jessica Fern (2022). Fern explores the intersection of attachment theory, trauma, and consensual non-monogamous relationships, focusing particularly on how individuals can cultivate secure attachments within polyamorous dynamics. Fern emphasises the importance of understanding one’s attachment style and how past life traumas can impact upon current relationships. The book offers insights and tools for creating healthier, more emotionally fulfilling connections within the context of polyamory. It will help you navigate the complexities of love and intimacy in non-monogamous relationships. Fern combines psychological concepts with practical advice, making it a valuable resource for anyone interested in understanding and enhancing their polyamorous experiences.

Another resource is “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino (2008). It’s a comprehensive resource for individuals and couples interested in exploring open relationships and consensual non-monogamy. The book covers a wide range of topics related to forming and maintaining healthy open relationships, including communication, boundaries, jealousy and emotional intimacy.

Taormino draws upon her extensive experience and interviews with various couples and individuals, in providing practical advice and insights. She addresses different types of non-monogamous arrangements, such as swinging and polyamory, while encouraging readers to define their own relationship structure based on their unique needs and values. The book also discusses navigating challenges, fostering trust, and ensuring all partners’ needs are acknowledged and met. With its blend of personal anecdotes, expert advice, and practical exercises, “Opening Up” serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone looking to expand their understanding of love and relationships beyond traditional monogamy.

In summary:

Society is becoming more conscious of the diverse range of relationship structures beyond traditional monogamy. We can better understand their complexities by clearly defining and exploring these relationships. Online Therapy stands as a valuable resource, offering accessible support tailored to people’s needs in navigating these relational landscapes. Through promoting open communication, mutual respect, and ongoing boundary-setting, individuals can foster healthy, fulfilling connections across various types of relationship. As ongoing research continues to dismantle misconceptions and identify social barriers, the path toward understanding polyamory and non-monogamy will broaden. This, in turn, will help pave the way for inclusive therapeutic approaches and societal recognition. Ultimately, acknowledging and supporting the rich tapestry of human connections enhances individual and collective well-being.

For more information on polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships, feel free to contact Anna by booking an appointment or completing the form below.